Coping
by rolliepollie44
Summary: Derek is with her everyday; less on the hard days and more on the good. Sometimes he reminds her where the keys are and on others he encourages her to go to weekly support group... Yeah that's right, a support group where people with deceased spouses go and cry about how lonely they are. It's unbearably bearable to cope.
1. Introduction

_**Introduction**_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

"Ellis pleaaaaase!" Meredith sweeps a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and rests her tired eyes for just a split second more, "I'm coming!"

She feels the familiar tug of Zola's small hands brushing her bare arm enjoying the humid Seattle summer. Three little ones was more than she had bargained for by a long shot yet here she was, alone in the house that she had spent her own childhood growing up being something that she had never imagined herself as; a mother.

 _Sing her Itsy Bitsy Spider._

"Good idea…" She smiles into thin air, Zola following her every footstep up childproofed staircases and through uncracked buckets of paint before ending up in the room that Meredith had called her own many years prior, "Come here baby…"

She cradles the little one in her arms, all smiles as she noted the familiar sparkle. Her once bald head was beginning to become covered in dark hair just like Derek's; what a lucky girl to have hair as nice as Daddy's.

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water sp-,"

Zola begin to chime in, her puffy ponytails rocking back and forth along with her head and before they knew it, it was a full blown sing along, the familiar lyrics on repeats as the cries from Ellis' mouth turned into giggles.

"She loves me…" The brunette coos picking at her little sister that was being cradled so tightly in her mother's arm.

"Well you're her favorite big sister…" Meredith taps her daughter's nose, "Why don't you go check on Bailey?"

Zola nods running out of the room and down the hall, comfortable silence filling the room before a familiar voice returned.

 _Beautiful just like her mother._

"Well she has your hair…" Meredith mutters to herself wiping a lock away from her eyes, "It's going to be a pain to brush!"

A laugh filled the room; Derek's laugh.

"We're going to be late!" Meredith yells through the open doorway.

 _We're always late…._

"Come on baby, we can put your shoes on when we get there we have to go!" She balanced two kids in her arms, waiting on the third to meet her at the front door, "Zola!"

"She's almost ready!" A familiar male voice called from the kitchen, "Cool your jets!"

A groan came from the blonde as she stared both Bailey and Ellis in the face, the two of them amused at her frustration.

"There!" Alex runs through the door, clad in familiar scrubs pushing Zola towards the door, mismatched shoes and a janky up do to match the chaos that was already this day.

"Thanks Alex!" Zola threw her hands in front of her and smiled wide.

"You're welcome Zo, now don't drive your mom too crazy on that drive to the airport… but maybe a little crazy!"

A thumbs up was shot his way by the youngster followed by a glare from his [best] friend, "Just make sure that the guest room is in order and that all the cereal is set out for her when she gets here! I want to make her feel at home…"

"Will do Boss!" Alex winks, pushing the four out and opening up the car door before placing Bailey in his seat, "Are you sure you don't want me to watch them?"

"No, no! Get the house ready- I promise they will do less harm to my car then to the house… Plus they love Christina! Oh yes we do!" She nuzzles her nose onto Ellis' forehead while buckling her in, "Thanks for you all your help today…"

"Not an issue, now everybody will be here when you two get back but you have to go!" He opens up the driver's door and smiles, "Drive safe!"

 _Yes, avoid that crash near the overpass and take the back roads once you hit exit 30._

* * *

Meredith grips her hands tightly around the steering wheel; she hadn't seen Christina since Ellis was born and had barely mentioned her. It was too hard to see her _person's_ eyes turn so sad at the mention but she listened to the sound advice of her husband, avoiding the overpass by remaining in the right lane and then taking the back roads once she hit exit thirty just so she could get there on time. On time was always ten minutes late in Meredith's world which was perfect with delayed flights and missing luggage. Pulling into a spot at just the slightest angle she brushed away the nerves and unbuckled Zola, reminding her to stay close before pulling the other two out. She was nervous- that familiar feel like she might throw up or pass out or something. She hadn't felt like this since her first day of med school what felt like a million years ago.

"Alright sweetie, stay close!" She mentioned to Zola, putting both Bailey and Ellis into a stroller and grabbing her hand, "No running off no matter how excited you are!"

Zola nods, "I know, I know!"

"Terminal 4C…" Meredith squints, looking around for signs.

 _To your left_.

She turns her head, turning the stroller and pulling Zola along, rushing just the slightest bit, "Keep your eyes peeled!"

Zola stands on her tip toes trying to peer through mounds of people into mounds of more people. Being waist high was hard, "I don't see anything Mama!"

"Right there!" Meredith's face lights up, smile running from ear to ear, "Christina!" She calls out, pushing forward, holding Zola's hand even tighter, "Christina!"

The curly haired female turns beaming in the monotonous way that she did, arms outstretched to embrace her best friend, "They lost my luggage, idiots I swear… if we had an airport even half as organized as the one-" She stops herself, "How have you been?" Those sad eyes return.

"We're good, we're… good…" Meredith stares lovingly at the three children, "We're **coping** …"

"Hi Zo Zo!" Christina wraps the small girl up in a hug and spins her around, "You're getting so big!"

"I'm starting real school soon…" Her sass was undeniable as she held tightly to Christina's hand, jealous of the attention that her younger siblings were about to receive.

"And Bailey is so big too…." Christina brought her hand up to her mouth, eyes wide in shock switching back and forth from him to Mer, "And this…" She drops Zola's hand, "Is…."

"This is Ellis… We call her Elle for short!" Meredith unbuckles the strap on the stroller and hands her to Christina.

"She looks so much like…"

"Like Derek, I know, look at the full head of hair!" Meredith chuckles lightly, "Poor Bailey got my genetics!"

Christina snuggles the small child close, "She's beautiful Meredith…."

Tears sting the ducts of the blonde's eyes but she manages to catch a glimpse of Zola's pout and it takes it away, "You're beautiful too sweetie…" She ruffles Zola's hair, "Well I bought all your favorite cereal and I set up the guest room and…"

"And I brought tequila… oh and chocolate… that's a thing in Switzerland!" The brunette holds onto Ellis tightly, "I would share right now but I ate all the bars I packed in my carry on…. Long flight and DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FOOD!"

The two begin to walk off, Meredith pushing Bailey and holding Zola close and Christina snuggling Ellis closer than it was thought possible.

 _We did good._

Another smile, "We did good…."

Christina stares down at the sparkling eyes on Ellis, "You did good…"


	2. Mint Green Walls

"You know how we have like this dead dad club well… you and Callie could start this dead baby daddy club?" Christina bumps Bailey up and down on her leg, stroking Zola's sleeping head, and trying to take shots of Tequila like she didn't own her own research hospital in Switzerland.

Meredith laughs loudly, careful to quiet down upon seeing a twitch from her daughter, "You know they have things like that…."

"What? Groups of woman crying in a circle and holding each other! I'm thinking you two could drink wine and watch like really advanced surgeries and maybe even order a pizza!" Christina nods at the idea, "I think I would like to be a part of that…"

"I think you're talking about Friday nights!" Meredith shakes her head, "No sometimes I go to those, hold each other, cry, and donate twenty boxes of tissues things…"

"You do?" Christina quiets herself down, "Does it help?"

Meredith runs her hands through her hair, "I don't know… I just don't know anything anymore…."

"I do know that this house needs a new paint job…."

The blonde laughs, "What you don't like the darkness?"

"I mean it fits you! Dark and twisty just like you but think about what a little bit of mint could do to the walls!"

"I already have like four buckets of that crap upstairs and with just an occasional drop by of Alex I hardly have anytime to take care of the kids, much less myself, much less the house!" She grabs the bottle of tequila, "I need this more then you…."

"What if I moved in- I moved in and I helped you out? I'll be your Derek…."

"Christina…" Meredith signs, "We both know that you can do that! As much as I would love for you to be here with me…"

"I can do that; Switzerland was before Derek, it was before…. It was before I realized how much I can't live without Seattle…" She grins, "I mean I know this place is filled with death and rain but at least I don't have to see Burke's face in my dreams every night, ya know?"

"Who would you… how would you?"

"Ross can take over for me, I'll go there for a few days once a month and make sure that everything is in order and then BOOM! I'm here with you; here with these little ones…" She kisses the top of Bailey's forehead, "Listen Mere… I am never going to have kids- although the world seems to really want me too I just don't want my own but I do want to do surgeries and I do want to save lives and I can do that, here in Seattle!"

"I- I can't let you do that…." Meredith sighs and falls deeper into the couch, "You can't do that…." She hears a cry upstairs, "Ellis is up I should-"

"Let me do it…" Christina sets Bailey down and slowly picks up Zola's head, "Let me take care of everything…" She brushes a piece of Meredith's hair out of the way.

Meredith falls into the couch admiring her two children, "I can't let her do this…"

 _She wants too._

"No she doesn't! She has her life mapped out and she's in such a good spot with such a good opportunity and-,"

 _And Skype is a beautiful thing for research._

"She needs to be there; she needs to be hands on!"

 _She needs to be doing life altering surgery… let her._

"Hey Mere…" She hears a call from upstairs, "What do I do with this?"

Meredith chuckles, "Let her, huh?" That familiar laugh follows her through the house and into the room with Ellis whose cries had turned more into whimpers.

"She… she has nothing visibly wrong with her; I'm assuming she's hungry but maybe… maybe she's just-,"

"Attention hungry…" Meredith pulls Ellis in close to her and rocks her back and forth.

Christina sighs, "Alright well maybe I'm not good with kids but I know how to set the timer on the coffee pot, and I can make a mean bowl of dry cereal…"

"And you're my person and that's all I need!"

"I know you do…." Christina's sad smile pierces through the upbeat mood.

"Please don't treat me like I'm fragile okay, everybody treats me like I'm this broken widow and yes I'm a widow but I'm not broken- I do my job just fine, I get my kids to daycare and I only feed them toaster pastries like once a week… I go to that stupid support group and listen to the sob stories and next year I'll lay a red rose down on Derek's grave- It's not the end of the world!"

"You two were just this reason to believe in love; the reason to believe that everything works out despite…"

"And here I am still working it out without him! We are those people but we were those people together and separate…." She set's Ellis down, eyes closed she prays that she'll sleep through the night for once, "So when are you moving in?"

Christina smirks, "I'm already here but…" She stumbles to the hallway and starts to peel open a can of paint, "This is happening…"


End file.
